I’m a geriatric millennial sitting comfortably on the border of Generations X and Y. I was there when humanity started its perpetual dependence on the Internet, social media, and mobile phones. One thing my particular brood does seem to share with our younger smashed avocado-loving counterparts is that we seem to find adulthood more of a struggle than our parents.
Do you remember hearing your parents or peers say, “Adulting is hard”? I don’t. I’ve never heard my parents talk about adulthood, certainly not as often as we do now. They spoke of people they missed, which made them smile to tell us stories of their childhood, but that was the extent. Mostly, they were competently navigating the journey of adulthood without much complaint. (Or worry about our school grades, especially PSLE and O'levels)
It makes me wonder why I’m constantly longing for the idyllic bliss of my younger days when my parents didn’t. Am I a failure for not finding it a breeze to manage a family of five? I find myself to be pretty time-poor, which is something I thought my mother handled with finesse. Although I only work part-time, I can’t find enough time to work, clean my house, do the laundry, prepare meals, spend time with my children, and still have enough left for myself. While my mum did the bulk of household management on her own, I divided my chores pretty equally with my husband, yet we’re both physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted.
I guess what I’m conceding to here is that I genuinely find “adulting” quite hard, and I often dream about enjoying life while someone administrates it for me. Knowing I’m not alone in my struggle is a relief.
The colloquial term “adulting” is a word coined by modern adults because we find it a tough state of being. Our generation is the one that’s fallen to the trend of nostalgia baiting. There’s a reason why the '80s and ‘90s are making a comeback in entertainment, toys and even food. We’re desperately clutching at anything that might allow us to relive our childhoods. We need this indulgence because we find our daily lives daunting.
I suppose, in a way, being an adult now truly is more demanding than it used to be. I know older folks like to claim that we have far more resources and facilities that make our lives far more accessible than theirs used to be. With these resources, however, come added challenges. There’s some truth to the belief that when things are simpler, life is consequently more manageable.
For example, with social media and the Internet, we now have far more knowledge than we know what to do with it. That sounds amazing, but when you’re a new parent surviving on very little sleep, having an overabundance of information at your fingertips can only add to the pressure and make you worry unnecessarily rather than enjoy your little one. When you’re already battling low self-esteem, seeing perfectly curated Instagram posts could do little to inspire you and instead push you to the brink of depression over what you’re supposedly missing out on.
Given how hyper-connected we are to the rest of the world (particularly with us in highly advanced Singapore), we’re now highly aware of social and environmental issues, such as climate change, inequality, and systemic racism. Unlike our parents, we’re burdened with a sense of responsibility to address these issues and positively impact society every time we log on to social media or read the news. The magnitude and complexity of these problems can be overwhelming and contribute to feelings of frustration, helplessness, and anxiety. This is why when my anxiety flares up, the first thing I do is undergo a tech detox.
Ultimately, I think life has probably always been challenging. We’re probably the first to raise our hands and say, “Oy finally! This sucks!” I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. We were raised by people who prioritised hard work, whereas we’re more aware of the importance of maintaining a healthy work-life balance. We know how important mental health is for our well-being and how it will affect our family and friends.
Maybe that’s why we’re grousing so much. We’re just trying to draw attention to what’s more important.
Maybe we lament having to clean our houses because we’d instead use that time to cuddle our kids in front of the TV or have coffee with our friends.
Maybe we dread Mondays not because we hate being at the office but because we know we could get more work done and have plenty of time to spend on ourselves if we were allowed to work remotely for a chunk of the week.
Maybe if we keep acknowledging how tough we’re finding things, we could develop sound solutions to make life easier for those who come after us.
Until then, maybe the trick is not to worry so much about how much or how little we’re getting done, just that we’re doing what we need to.
-Missy J
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